insane

it seemed unlikely to get to this point. but here i am. i know it's unhealthy. and as improbable as it may seem , it gets more and more unhealthy every day. but how to get rid of this obsession?it's worse than being a drug addict. by being a drug addict at least people might understand,sympathize with your pain and help you get over it. but what is there left for me to admit at this point? that i am most utterly insane? well,i am.and as much as i want the addiction to cease existing ,i also never want it to end.i want it to get back at the first moment it started and to freeze time.but dreaming about something ,doesn't make it real,now does it? still,here i am:blocked in this frenzy with my imagination getting out of control.and i don't want anything to stop.i won't let it stop.